


The Beauty Through The Pain

by NyoomWritesThings



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders In Love, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Good Friend, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Panic Attacks, Scars, Self-Harm, jeez there are so many tags with variations of "angst with blank" lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyoomWritesThings/pseuds/NyoomWritesThings
Summary: When your soulmate gains a scar on their body, it will appear on you in the form of a tattoo of a flower.Usually, Roman would be /ecstatic/ to see a soulmark on his body and to know the boy that he's been crushing on has been his soulmate this entire time. Unfortunately, he just had to find out in one of the worst possible ways.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 28
Kudos: 307





	The Beauty Through The Pain

**Author's Note:**

> hey, if you didn't see the tags, I'm warning you now: don't read if you get triggered/squicked/uncomfortable/etc. by descriptions of self harm and blood, mentions and descriptions of scars, panic attacks, and cursing. stay safe!!
> 
> edit as of december 2nd 2020: so I'm not so sure that I like this fic anymore because I think this might have unintentionally come off as romanticizing self harm? please know that it was NEVER my intention, my original intention was to write a vent fic I projected onto Virgil with and then turn it into something softer. self harm is never a reason to fall in love with someone. (not that it's a red flag, though.) even if your soulmate self harms, please make multiple checks to see that they're safe and getting professional help (or whatever help they can) in their situation.   
> anywho, please proceed this fic with caution if this does accidentally come off the wrong way, and with the fact that I might have fucked up and written something I'm not proud of. hope y'all have a good day/night/week

It had been far too long of a day for him. Roman had finally finished all of the work that had been piling up on him throughout the week, and hadn't had the chance to sleep in over 20 whole hours. Finally, he was able to fall onto his bed and prepare for a long, cozy sleep, and a day off with his friends tomorrow, where he'd get to see the people he hasn't seen in  _ too long _ and be able to be social for the first time in a week. He'd get to chat with Logan over coffee again, to reenact plays with Janus again, to hug Patton as tight as he could again, and... Hopefully to be blessed with Virgil's smile again. 

There's a genuine smile that hasn’t graced his face in too long which stays put on his face as he makes himself cozy on his bed and finally starts to drift off, escaping to the wonders of his dreams. 

That is, until he feels a slight sting on his right arm. 

At first, it feels like it hurts, and it makes Roman shoot up out of his sleeping position. Then, it feels like it  _ should _ hurt, and the pain gently starts to fade away. Roman pulls his pajama sleeve back and sees something new on his arm: A small, purple tattoo of a snapdragon.

Roman stared down at the peculiar thing. Where had it come from? What did it mean? His ability to process whatever had been put in front of him had only been drained throughout the day, and he had been hoping for sleep to fix that, but he had given up on sleep at that point. Though, it wasn't long before he remembered something Logan had mentioned to him before. 

"I cannot bring myself to even attempt to understand where people come up with these thoughts, but there's always been this legend that’s cycled around: something about how if your  **soulmate** happens to get a scar on themselves, it'll appear on you in the exact spot they got hurt, in the form of a tattoo of a flower."

And with that, Roman had begun freaking out internally. Sleep? Who's she? Never heard of her, all Roman needed was the knowledge of a soulmate existing just for him and all of his energy was back, full force. 

That's when he felt another sting on his arm, and as he looked down to his arm once more, he watched as more of the purple flowers began to bloom. They looked so beautiful, Roman could stare at them all day. He started getting so giddy about the idea of a soulmate. He couldn't deny it, he really hoped it would be Virgil. He had been crushing on the boy for quite some time. The flowers were even the same shade of purple Virgil would always wear… 

Another quick sting, Roman watched the stem slice through his arm, and more flowers started to grow on it. His smile grew wider, but after a quick examination of the stem, it quickly faded away. The way that he had watched it quickly slice through his arm like that, the way it looked like… a perfect cut. It reminded Roman that these flowers came from the  _ scars _ of his soulmate. Where the beauty on his arm appeared, it came at the cost of the pain of a loved one. 

And flowers appearing on his arm  _ three times _ in a  _ row _ ? On the  _ same _ arm? 

These scars weren't an accident… His soulmate was _ hurting himself _ . 

Just like that, the fear in Roman spiked. He could almost hear his soulmate’s restrained cries from the pain, and he wouldn’t allow that to stand. He quickly launched out of his bed, ran towards his phone, and quickly dialed Virgil's number. He hated having to find out his soulmate like this, but if he had to find out that Virgil would be his soulmate for life, he would have preferred this way at any time over finding out later and letting Virgil continue to scar his beautiful arm. 

Right as Roman hit the call button, he felt another slight tug on his arm, like the scarring was about to begin again, but as soon as Roman's phone started ringing, it paused. Roman whispered the words "pick up" into the phone so many times, hoping,  _ pleading _ that Virgil would answer. 

"Hello?" Roman finally heard coming from his phone. Virgil sounded tired, and he definitely didn't sound happy. Roman could almost hear it so clearly in his voice, the way his voice seemed like it was on the verge of breaking into screams and sobs. 

"Virgil," Roman replied, relieved. 

"What is it, Princey?" Virgil asked, still trying to sound like he was fine. "Aren't you up a little late?"

There was no reason to come up with some creative excuse as to why Roman called. There was no reason to try and distract Virgil from the issue at hand - after all, he was already scared Virgil would hang up and go right back to scarring himself afterwards if he couldn't keep up a proper conversation. There was no reason to just make him  _ forget _ about his  _ bleeding arm _ . And there was no reason at all for Roman to give up on this soulmate search when he's already this deep, no matter how anxious he was to ask. 

So, Roman took a deep breath and finally asked him, in the most genuine, caring tone he could manage, "Are you okay?" 

There was a pause on the other line. 

"W... What?" Virgil asked, this time the fact that he was trying not to cry became more clear in his voice. 

"Virgil, please be honest with me," Roman insisted, "are you okay, or are you hurting?" 

Another pause of silence plagued the conversation. Roman continued to stare at his phone, waiting for a response, his anxiety starting to get the best of him. 

Finally, he heard it: a soft sob coming from the other end. Virgil gave in, starting to cry. 

"I- I was cutting myself right before you called…" Virgil choked out. 

Roman felt a tear roll down his cheek. Sweet, sweet Virgil was his soulmate, and while that filled Roman with so much joy to finally know, Virgil was hurting. He was hurting so badly, and of all people to be causing him the pain, it was  _ himself _ .

"Roman I'm- shit, I'm so sorry you have to hear me like this," Virgil continued to sob into the phone. 

"No, no no," Roman interrupted, trying not to cry as well for Virgil's sake, "you do not need to apologize for this, for  _ any _ of this. I'm going to get in my car and drive to your house to see you and help you, is that okay? If you’d like, you can come back to my place to stay the night if your house is too much for you." 

He heard Virgil's crying start to worsen, and for a moment he wondered if what he said was horribly wrong, but Virgil just replied, "Yes, please, thank you Roman." Roman could hear the smile on Virgil’s face starting to form. 

"You're absolutely welcome," Roman smiled a little, making his way to his dresser so he could get himself in proper clothing. "In the meantime, do me a favour and clean up your cuts for me?”

“O- Okay.” He heard shuffling come from the other line, followed by a sink running not long after. 

“Do you want me to let anyone else know so I could bring them along?"

“No, please no, I…” Roman paused as he could hear the panic rise in his voice again, turning his full attention back to the phone with an expression clouded with concern. “I don’t want them seeing me like this.” 

“Okay. I’ll take your word for it.” Roman quickly pulled his shirt over his head and made his way into his kitchen. “Is there anything else you want me to bring with me? Aside from a first aid kit.” Roman quickly started up his coffee machine, gathering the ingredients to make himself a quick cup so he wouldn’t end up passing out when Virgil needed him most. 

“Um… if it’s not too much trouble, an extra blanket? I know you have those really soft Disney ones.”

“Say no more.” Roman rushed back into his bedroom with a Disney-themed bag, grabbing all of the blankets he had and packing them into it. “Anything else?”

“No, I think that’s good.” Virgil sniffed. Just in case, Roman also grabbed a tiny Sally plush of his and stuffed it into the bag. 

“Alright. Well. I’m gonna make some coffee really quick and then I’ll head over. Is it alright if I hang up on you, or would you rather me talk while I drive?” Roman walked into his living room, made his way to a shelf by his TV, picked up his copy of Nightmare Before Christmas, and put it along with the bag by his doorstep. 

“No, it’s okay. I won’t bug you while you drive,” Virgil replied.

Roman rolled his eyes, “You aren’t going to  _ bug _ me, All-Doubt Boy. Though, if you still don’t want to, you  _ can  _ still call me at any time if you feel anxious again. And remember this: nothing bad will happen to me while I drive. You know I’m a good driver, and there’ll be no one on the road this late, so don’t let those thoughts get the best of you, alright?”

“Thank you. I really needed to hear that.” Roman smiled as he heard the tone in Virgil’s voice shift, a hint of a smile finally starting to form behind those words. 

“It’ll be okay. See you in 30, alright?”

* * *

Roman had never been more grateful to know that Virgil’s apartment was only half an hour away from his own: that meant it wasn’t that far away so Roman could actually drive over to comfort Virgil, but also meant that it was far enough away to be able to lend him enough time to cry to himself in the car and get everything he needed to out of his system. His joy from having a soulmate was still there, and sure as hell would stay there, but his joy had been mostly overtaken by his sadness of knowing that Virgil thought he deserved to hurt himself. Roman was determined to fix every little problem Virgil was dealing with that night, and he wasn’t afraid of how difficult that might be. 

When he pulled up to the parking lot of Virgil’s building, he made a quick glance over to his rear-view mirror to get a quick look at himself. He had calmed down from crying just a few minutes before, but he was sure if anyone got a good enough look at him, they would know there had been tears. Roman quickly pulled out a small makeup box and began to cover up as much as he could within the span of around a minute before getting out of his car. He quickly rushed to the passenger’s seat to grab his Disney-assorted bag, and under the passenger’s seat was the first aid kit. He gathered everything and ran into the building. 

He didn’t even consider the elevator, he ran to the stairs and ran up as fast as he could, even if Virgil stayed right below the top floor. He _ almost _ ran right past the door to the correct floor, but caught himself. Once he saw Virgil’s door at the other side of the hallway, relief rushed through Roman’s body. He had finally made it. 

And with that, he finally knocked on the door. 

… No reply. 

_ Gay panic. _

He knocked again, calling out, “Virgil, it’s Roman. Are you alright?” He attempted to open the door, but it was locked. This time, he got a response, but in the form of hearing his phone ring. He picked it up and, whaddya know, Virgil was calling. He answered without hesitation. 

“What’s wrong?” Roman asked. “I’m at the door.”

“I can’t- Roman, help.  _ Help me. _ ” Virgil’s breathing was heavy and he definitely sounded like he was panicking again. 

“What happened?” Roman was starting to freak out. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t get up,” Virgil cried. “Help. Please.”

“Okay, it’ll be okay,” Roman reassured Virgil, and himself, “do you keep a key outside your door, under the mat or something?”

“No. I don’t-” There was a pained cry on the other end of the phone, and Roman could just barely hear it from behind the door in front of him. Roman felt tears swelling up in his eyes again. 

“Hold on, I’m- I’m going to see if I can get a key from downstairs. Don’t hang up.” Roman ran back to the stairs, rushing back down to the lobby as fast as he could. 

“Excuse me!” Roman called to the receptionist as he ran towards their counter. “Hi, uh, do you have an extra key to Room XXX? My friend Virgil, he can’t let me in. I’m on the phone with him right now. It’s an emergency.”

The receptionist quickly perked up at the word emergency, responding with, “Yes, let me get that for you,” while searching for the extra key. Once they found it, they handed it to Roman, who thanked them before rushing back to the stairs. 

“I got the key, I’m coming back up now,” Roman said into the phone, rushing back up the stairs. He heard Virgil let out another whimper. “It’s going to be okay, I’m almost there.”

As soon as he reached the door, he fumbled with the key before shoving it in the lock and finally opening the door. 

“I’m here, hold on.”

Hanging up on the call with Virgil, he rushed into the kitchen, where he saw Virgil laying down in the middle of the floor, his phone in his hand. Thanks to the short-sleeved shirt Virgil was wearing, he could perfectly see the red lines scattered on Virgil’s arm. 

Roman quickly dashed to his side on the floor, tossing his bags next to him, and cupped Virgil’s head gently in his hands. His eyes were swollen and red, and his eyeshadow had been horribly ruined from the tears, but he still looked beautiful to Roman. When the two of them locked eyes, Virgil  _ wailed _ as his crying came back tenfold. Roman quickly, but carefully, wrapped his arms around Virgil’s waist to pull him up into a hug - he wasn’t going to risk grabbing his arms. 

“I’m here, Virgil,” Roman quietly whispered into Virgil’s ear as he rubbed the back of Virgil’s neck. “I’m here.” He quietly sat there as Virgil wrapped his arms around him, trembling as he sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder. Roman continued to soothe him with gentle rubs and reassuring whispers until Virgil had finally begun to calm down. 

“What happened while I was gone?” Roman asked once Virgil’s cries had finally come to a halt. 

“Eh, I was trying not to let the panic get to me, and my legs ended up giving out which only made shit worse,” Virgil shrugged, energy drained from the bawling he had just finished.

“Well, in that case,” Roman smiled, “do I have your permission to carry you to the couch?”

Virgil nodded, and with that, Roman picked him up. He carefully carried him, bridal style, over to his couch and set him down. He rushed back into the kitchen once he knew Virgil was comfortable, grabbing his bag and his first aid kit and bringing them to Virgil. He set the first aid kit on Virgil’s coffee table by the couch and his Disney bag on the floor by Virgil’s hands. He looked around for the remote to Virgil’s TV, turning it on once he finally found it. 

“I knew you’d want this,” Roman smiled as he pulled out his Nightmare Before Christmas copy, which Virgil also smiled at. “You want me to play this while I tend to your cuts?”

“That’d… that’d be nice. Thanks, Ro. I appreciate it.” Virgil smiled, tears still soaking his cheeks. Roman gave him a smile back. He handed Virgil the remote and made his way to Virgil’s TV, putting the movie into the DVD player on the small shelf underneath it. As Virgil changed the input on his TV to play the movie, Roman made his way back to Virgil’s kitchen to grab some paper towels. After wetting a few towels to clean up Virgil’s arms, he rushed back to Virgil’s side. Virgil had pulled out one of the Disney blankets Roman had brought with him and had wrapped it around himself. 

Roman held out his hand, waiting for Virgil to give him his arm so he could clean it. Virgil, hesitantly, held out his cut arm. Roman winced at the sight of the cuts scattered across Virgil’s arm. He almost instantly noticed the three spots on his arm that looked the worst out of the bunch, which match exactly with where Roman’s new tattoos were, but tried not to dwell on it. There were several other cuts on there, but they either didn’t look bad enough to scar or simply didn’t bleed at all. 

As the first notes of This Is Halloween started up on the TV, Roman had started to carefully rub a damp paper towel across Virgil’s arm. Virgil flinched a few times at the sudden pain, but never tore his arm away and kept his attention focused on the movie. After he cleaned up as much as he could, Roman reached for the bandages in his kit and carefully wrapped them around Virgil’s arm. He stared down at his arm, then looking back to Roman with a smile. Virgil readjusted himself on the couch, sitting up instead of lying down, patting the spot next to him for Roman to sit on. He smiled, sitting down and wrapping himself in another Disney blanket of his. Virgil also reached into the bag and pulled out the Sally plush, holding it close to his chest and hiding a smile. 

“Is there anything else you need, Virge?” Roman asked the anxious blanket burrito next to him. 

“For now, I think I’m okay,” Virgil smiled. 

“Good. And you think your arm is going to be okay?” Roman turned to him with a concerned expression.

“Uh… yes, I think I’ll be okay?” Virgil sighed. “I don’t know. I haven’t… cut that bad before.”

“I could tell,” Roman sighed. “They’re going to leave horrible scars.”

“Yeah, they…” Virgil paused, shooting Roman a scared expression, and asked, “Wait, you think they’re going to  _ scar _ ? How- How do you  _ know _ ?”

Roman had realized his mistake way too late. 

“I- I’m sorry- uh, I don’t know, I just- um that’s just- that’s just an assumption due to- I mean, that’s probably just me being stupid, don’t worry about that,” Roman sputtered out. He felt a gentle blush spreading across his cheeks. 

Virgil paused the movie.  _ Shit.  _

“Roman,” Virgil looked up to him, heavily concerned, “have you… have you cut yourself before…?”

“NO! No no no, of course I haven’t! That’s not why, it’s just-  _ Ah. _ ” The  _ gentle _ blush Roman had felt before had started to rapidly grow. Roman hoped Virgil couldn’t see it through the foundation he had put on earlier. 

“Roman,” Virgil gently rested his hand on Roman’s shoulder, looking up at him with those beautiful, chocolate eyes, “let me see your arm.”

Roman had never felt so nervous in his life. Sure, it wasn’t like there  _ were _ self-harm scars on his arm, but he wasn’t ready to confess! He wanted his confession to be romantic, and sweet, and not  _ forced.  _ They just had this sweet, heartwarming moment, sure, and Virgil looked so cute in the pajamas he was wearing, and oh god Virgil was staring at him so intently and Roman could feel the sweat on his brow-

Before Roman could make another move, Virgil reached to Roman’s sleeve and attempted to pull it up. He quickly jumped away, flustered. 

“Roman!” Virgil cried. “Please. I don’t want you to hurt either. Please show me if there’s anything there or not.”

Roman sighed, and hesitantly, he replied, “There’s something there… but you aren’t going to believe what it is.”

Reluctantly, Roman pulled his sleeve up to reveal the snapdragons on his arm. Virgil stared down at them in confusion, but as soon as Roman set his arm next to Virgil’s to show how the scars on his arm lined up with the tattoos, Virgil’s expression lit up with shock. 

“So, um… Logan told me one time that if your soulmate gets a scar, you’ll get a tattoo in the form of a flower where their scar will be.” 

Almost in sync, both of their faces lit up with a bright pink blush. 

“So, you… You’re meaning to tell me…” Virgil couldn’t even look him in the eye, he just stared at his arm. Carefully, Roman lifted his hand up to cup Virgil’s face. 

“Virgil, my dark and stormy night,” Roman began, “I’m- I’m so sorry that you have to find out like  _ this _ , but… you’ve always been the one I’ve loved. I never knew we’d be  _ soulmates _ , but… but I’m glad I know now, and I’m glad you know now, and…” Roman silently cursed himself for not being able to come up with anything good to say, but all the same, he hadn’t slept in almost 22 hours. “The point is, I love you. You’re the Jack to my Sally, the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow, and… If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to know whether or not you’d like to… go out?”

Virgil just stared in shock. 

Roman was  _ so nervous. _ The only words Roman could hear in his brain were  _ I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up- _

Even so, Virgil pulled him close, and before he knew it, the two of them were mid kiss, holding each other close, their bodies curved against each other to fill in every patch of air between them. Roman could feel Virgil’s smile against his lips, and he couldn’t help but smile back. A tear ran down his right cheek as he held his soulmate tight in his arms. When they finally pulled away, the two of them looked at each other with some of the happiest smiles they’ve seen on each other in a long time. 

“So… That’s a yes?” Roman chuckled, nervously. 

“Anything for you… soulmate.” Virgil winked, leaning in for another kiss. 

As the night went on, the two of them continued to watch the movie, cuddling while curled up in Disney blankets together on Virgil’s couch. Virgil leaned into Roman’s warm touch, resting his head on his shoulder. As they watched Jack and Sally kiss at the end of the movie, they ended up turning to each other as if on cue and doing the same. 

Once the movie had ended, Roman picked up Virgil - even though Virgil had enough strength back at that point to walk on his own again, but Roman insisted - and set him onto his bed to let him sleep, but not before joining him in that bed. Roman was ready to fall asleep almost immediately, huddled up close to Virgil’s chest while Virgil caressed his hair. As Roman finally drifted off to sleep, he imagined the hilarious reactions his friends would have tomorrow. He chuckled a bit to himself at the thought of Logan seeing the tattoos on his arm. 

And as he looked up at Virgil one last time before falling into that deep sleep, he knew, no matter what Logan may say, that he had met and had earned the person for him. 

His soulmate. 

**Author's Note:**

> if you're here from another platform (you know who you are and exactly where you're from, you lovelies. hi, ilysm uwu) you must be pretty shocked to see something Prinxiety related from me for once huh? lmfao
> 
> don't be shy to leave a comment! I always appreciate criticism ^^


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